Laid Bare

A few weeks ago, my trainer challenged me to stop defining myself solely by the number on the scale.  I’ll be honest. As much as I know that I need to do this, it also unnerves me more than a little.

First, I’ve hidden behind my weight for a long time. It keeps me from having to take risks – in life, in relationships, in anything. It keeps me safe from getting hurt. It gives me an “out” from doing things I don’t feel like I can do successfully. I can blend into the woodwork whenever I want to and just be in the background.  I can be the hard worker with the sweet smile and the caring heart … and that’s it. Like I said, it’s a hiding place. Stop doing that and I might have to be vulnerable. Am I ready for that?

As if that’s not bad enough, there’s a second reason.  And it’s that apart from the number on the scale, I am not really sure that I know who I am.  How sad is that?  I’m 40 years old and I’ve defined myself by the scale for at least 30 of those years.

Don’t get me wrong … it’s not that I haven’t accomplished anything.  I have.  The lack of confidence I feel on the scale or when I look  in the mirror is a far cry from the confidence that I feel in my work, whether it be behind my desk or giving a presentation to a room full of people.

It’s just that when I have accomplished something or been successful in something, I’ve given it a moment’s glance – but then I’ve swept it under the carpet because it just didn’t stack up against the number that was on the scale. How could whatever it is really be meaningful when what faced me in the mirror was … me?

decoline

I know that I need to do this … because I want to do this journey the RIGHT way so that I won’t be right back here in another 5 or 10 years.

But it’s hard. Really hard.  Sometimes I feel like learning to love myself – whoever that is – is the hardest part of this whole entire journey.

So I am feeling a little vulnerable lately.  I’m wading through the pounds and the hurts I’ve tucked away, and just hoping that somewhere in all of it is me.

I know I’m not alone in this … there are others of you right where I am, or a few steps ahead, or a few steps behind.  Let me encourage you with this:  You. Are. Worth. It. You are enough. More than enough. And you can do this.

Better yet, leave me a comment and let me know you’re there too – and I’ll cheer you on all along the way.  Because really, there’s a FABULOUS you, filled with confidence and courage, just waiting to be shared with the rest of the world – and you, too.

Believe you can … and you will.

sheryl2

 

 

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One response to “Laid Bare

  1. notreallyhungry.com

    Your trainer is right that the scale shouldn’t define you, but you are right that it’s hard not to let it. It’s really hard, but I think it’s worth it. I’ve gotten better over the years. I am still hung up on the number but I don’t let it rule me anymore.

    I get what you mean about figuring out who you are. I’m 38 and have the same issue… I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. 😉

    Working through the hard stuff is the only way for us to have lasting change. I used to eat my feelings all the time. Now that I try not to do that, I face my issues more head on. It’s been kind of freeing. So hang in there and keep trying to work through it. You’re worth it too!!!

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