Laid Bare

A few weeks ago, my trainer challenged me to stop defining myself solely by the number on the scale.  I’ll be honest. As much as I know that I need to do this, it also unnerves me more than a little.

First, I’ve hidden behind my weight for a long time. It keeps me from having to take risks – in life, in relationships, in anything. It keeps me safe from getting hurt. It gives me an “out” from doing things I don’t feel like I can do successfully. I can blend into the woodwork whenever I want to and just be in the background.  I can be the hard worker with the sweet smile and the caring heart … and that’s it. Like I said, it’s a hiding place. Stop doing that and I might have to be vulnerable. Am I ready for that?

As if that’s not bad enough, there’s a second reason.  And it’s that apart from the number on the scale, I am not really sure that I know who I am.  How sad is that?  I’m 40 years old and I’ve defined myself by the scale for at least 30 of those years.

Don’t get me wrong … it’s not that I haven’t accomplished anything.  I have.  The lack of confidence I feel on the scale or when I look  in the mirror is a far cry from the confidence that I feel in my work, whether it be behind my desk or giving a presentation to a room full of people.

It’s just that when I have accomplished something or been successful in something, I’ve given it a moment’s glance – but then I’ve swept it under the carpet because it just didn’t stack up against the number that was on the scale. How could whatever it is really be meaningful when what faced me in the mirror was … me?

I know that I need to do this … because I want to do this journey the RIGHT way so that I won’t be right back here in another 5 or 10 years.

But it’s hard. Really hard.  Sometimes I feel like learning to love myself – whoever that is – is the hardest part of this whole entire journey.

So I am feeling a little vulnerable lately.  I’m wading through the pounds and the hurts I’ve tucked away, and just hoping that somewhere in all of it is me.

I know I’m not alone in this … there are others of you right where I am, or a few steps ahead, or a few steps behind.  Let me encourage you with this:  You. Are. Worth. It. You are enough. More than enough. And you can do this.

Better yet, leave me a comment and let me know you’re there too – and I’ll cheer you on all along the way.  Because really, there’s a FABULOUS you, filled with confidence and courage, just waiting to be shared with the rest of the world – and you, too.

Believe you can … and you will.

 

 

Seagrass Pier – By Colleen Coble

In this book, Coble tells the story of Elin, who received a heart transplant from a murder victim. Despite being lucky enough to receive a new heart, Elin begins having vivid dreams and flashbacks of a murder – that of her heart donor.  Although the police are rather skeptical about her visions, she is the recipient of much new attention from the media … and soon realizes she is being stalked by the person who murdered her heart donor.

I give this book four stars.  I enjoyed it, but not as much as I typically enjoy Coble’s work. I can’t put my fingers on precisely why it wasn’t as beloved as most of her books, but it just took me awhile to get into it and then find my way through it.   I honestly think there was just TOO much going on in this story – so much that it ended up feeling stilted and unbelievable.

The relationship between Elin and Marc seemed a little bit “off” to me for some reason, although I have to say that I really appreciated the depth of the character development and contribution of Elin’s mother to the story.

All in all, this book is definitely worth reading and I enjoyed it. I just wish that Coble had simplified her plotline a little bit and devoted as much attention developing her other characters to the depth that she did Elin’s mother.

 

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com  book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”